I’m sharing what seemed like challenges in 2013 in my life and how I overcame them or dealt with them. Why I’m doing this?… hmm.. Coz
- I want to feel good
- I want to summarize my year and see how it went
- I need hope and hopefully will find it here
- I love to make lists…
So here it goes
1 – I leaned how to stay alone – Like actually alone, without any friends or anyone. I learned how to make use of my time instead of feeling sorry and sad. I learned how to value this time and bring something good out of it.
2 – Make goals and focus and achieve them – I am so proud of this one. Really. Reaching a healthy weight was so important to me and it has given me so much confidence and belief that I can achieve anything I want.
3 – To have Faith – I learned to believe. Have faith. It makes so much sense and brings calmness with it.
4 – Decision- I made a decision about being with V and even though I was not so confident about the whole thing I kept my commitment. The best part is I did find a balance between this and my responsibilities. It’s important to know what your priority is and also important to be able to make it clear to others involved.
5 – To believe in my dream – I truly whole heartily believed in my dream to come to europe and i did. It was so clear and undoubtful. I believed in it like it was meant to happen and here I am.
6. To reconcile and let go differences – I have done that with my college friend (of course she is very nice to me and that helped), my supervisor and my flatmate. still more to lean but its better than before so its ok.
7. If I can’t change the situation I can try and change my attitude. This is a big thing for me. Even though I only tried and it may have not succeeded completely but to attempt to change your perspective and reactions is not easy and I accepted and tried it.
8. To take responsibility and not be scared or run from it. I took a car loan. Wohoo!
Overall a good year. I am happy with my list. Where is your’s?
Really…Is it December already? This year went away so fast and it was wow for me.
Now that I think about it, I did accomplish a lot. It’s been a great year and I thank god for his blessing and support. I am so thankful for my family and V and all the love and care I got. Also, I am thankful for all my hardships and challenges, they have made me stronger and wiser.
I want to do a list on what challenges I overcame and learnt from them and also a fresh list for the new year 2014…wow..already!
Also, I will be thinking about my WORD FOR THE YEAR! My 2013 word ’ CONSISTENCY’ was a total hit. It stayed me and I never forgot about it and in difficult/tricky times it was easy to remember, because it was just 1 word and it made so much sense. A list of goals and all is fine but so hard to think of when you’re confused, but this 1 word helped me a lot.
In fact, you should try it too! Just think / write all things you want /plan for the coming year, try to summarize it all and see what is the common adjective. Voila! you have YOUR WORD FOR THIS YEAR.
And I admit.. I love making lists heheee…
It’s such an important thing TO KNOW what you want, in life, in future and in every aspect of life.
I still need to understand what I want. When I say ‘understand’ I mean to actually look deep, without the existing superficial stuff that I know exists within and around me. What am I looking for? What is it that I want?
It’s not about making a plan with targets, it’s more about finding out.
I don’t know if this is making sense, but there is this need I feel to ‘figure myself out’ because I still don’t know so many fundamental things about myself and my life.
Few things I do know:
1. I want to make my family happy, give them comfort and luxury as much as I can, they have struggled a lot and deserve that.
2. I want to travel. See new places. See the world.
3. I want to be a better person. Not just generally, but actually become compassionate and giving and make it my nature.
4. I want to find what I want to do in my life. Something I want to see myself work on and grow. Not just a job but a career.
5. I want to find peace. Not really sure what it means right now, but I want to be at peace. Acceptance I guess is what I mean.
All the times that I have had issue with people, it took a long time to resolve them or probably they went on unresolved.
A fact that I can think and tell is that ‘they kept building up’, the issues, with whomever it may be. It started with one thing, an argument or difference in opinion or maybe something worse, but after that I would shut myself to the person and show they that I don’t care and it took lot of effort to show / pretend that. Well, it’s like I would take things too personally and start believing that that person was actually with a motive to do wrong to me and somehow my negative thoughts caught these vibes and it has usually turned out to become huge differences and this I say with surety that it harmed me more than anything.
A person thinking or feeling negative is the person who suffers, emotionally and spiritually. It takes away your peace of mind, like it did for me.
This time I had decided to be compassionate and though it was difficult, still I tried not to take things personally and just do my work and also not go overboard with showing I didn’t care of this person’s opinion or presence. I simply did my work, although I would get a little irritated but I did try to control it a lot and it worked.
I was able to speak to this person and tell him why I reacted the way I did and what I felt bad about. After I shared this he continued to be indifferent and mean and also hard to work with, but still I accepted the situation and tried to think that there was nothing personal about it.
He became normal and then came to talk to me in few days. He shared what upset him and also confessed that he did become reactive and did get little personal and made some decisions against me, but he also shared how he was trying to help me and will continue with it. Also from work perspective I think he has to do it, coz loosing a person from team before intended is a bad thing for him as well, but he was trying to show as if he will try to accommodate me. I didn’t take that too much to mind as well, as long as he’s not exceptionally being mean to me and also my work is getting done, I’m fine.
I’m happy about learning to be a little bit more mature and letting things go for your own good.
So it’s been a weird 2 months for me with lots of ups and downs on my emotions and hopes. Mostly it has been up, but the few downs have got me thinking.
It’s like when you say something has never happened to you and the very next day it happens to you. Same way I said I want to be a better person, but more and more difficult situations come infront of me. I’m trying to be positive and see how I can learn from it, but it is difficult. I am not a people person and this last week has simply reminded me of ‘why I used to stay away from office colleagues. It’s because there is too much at risk, your relationship with team, your image in team, your respect in team and finally your job. If one little bit of anything gets messed up then all of these things get hampered and not to mention your peace of mind will just jump off a cliff.
I came here with a determined mind that I will try my best to keep good terms with my supervisor, I tried and tried but when it came to taking crap all day and still putting up a smile and going to a party, I couldn’t take it. I broke down and my self respect and adamant nature surfaced. It went so bad that I’m suffering much more consequence than what could be balanced for my adamant behavior.
Everything seems so blur right now. But the one thing that is very clear to me is that I will not fail myself. I will continue to put in good work and do the best of my ability even when I can see that it is being ignored on purpose. I will not let anyone else make me less effective or any less than than the best of me.
I know I am right. And I will not work and exist in fear. Regret and fear are just not worth it!
I want to be here and I have some responsibilities that are dependent on my being here, but that doesn’t mean I will bow in front of anyone. I have earned my place and job, I will not anyone influence how I perform.
I will fight and be my best even if I get the worst from others. I believe that any good cannot bring harm to me. So instead of fear and losing self respect, I choose to work hard and be polite and compassionate. But this is challenging because usually when someone is mean to me I tend to get defensive and show that it dosen’t bother me and maybe also some adamant behavior gets displayed, but I will try to be nice and polite.
I will repeat ‘compassion’ to myself, every time I feel that someone is doing wrong to me. I hope it keeps me on track and something good comes out of this experience.
It’s a challenge.. and I ACCEPT IT!
I have faced some problems with dealing with people in the past and it goes back to my school days. It’ s something that I would think that happened to me, like I met the wrong people, but now I’m thinking about trying to be better and change my way of dealing with the situations as well.
One of the things that comes as instant reaction to me is Offense. I get offended very quickly. I need to observe and learn how to not take things personally. Letting things go and moving on.
Another thing is my way of thinking and how negative thinking patterns frame my mind in a particular situation. I want to think positive and not make everything an issue. I want to become easy on my mind and take less stress over small things.
the a better person. In every situation that I am, I want to try to be better, react better, feel better and finally handle it and come out of it better. Better than my previous experiences.
I keep repeating to myself that I am a very happy person. I will be good. I am good.
It will take time. But it’s all for a better reason.
We all have our ways of dealing with anger and while some are extreme and some ignorant, mine sadly seems like self damaging way.
Usually when I have an argument or a fight I say what I want to say, don’t hold back and that leads to being rude and hurtful. But after the confrontation is over my anger stays, I keep it inside, I stop talking to the person, ignoring and keeping them away. It causes me a lot of anxiety and hurt also, coz if the person is close to me I want them to come and resolve this with me because I am to angry to do it.
I have faced this problem lot of times and maybe that is why it keeps happening again and again, because I never learn a lesson from it. I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I still don’t know.
Also I get very personal and feel hurt in this time of repressing my feelings. I start to link these feelings with my worth and value as a person.It’s not healthy I know but I don’t know what else to do.
Something like this happened a few days back and while I am not close or even friends with this person, but we do live in the same house and its kind of growing into this silent big elephant in the room and its uncomfortable as well. I will like to resolve it, but I don’t know how but I know this person does not realize that how inconsiderate she was and she’s not even sorry.
But giving any reaction makes people think that they are important or have the upper hand and to stop talking at all seems like giving too much of reaction.
The thing is I don’t want to talk to this person, she has been rude and mean and has repeatedly done what I requested her not to as it caused me feeling uncomfortable, so why should I even bother to talk. But it is weird to be like this . It is creating fiction and I want to be relaxed when I am home not tensed. But this time I will try to be happy. On my own. Without thinking about how people treat me or whatever.