It’s all still new to me. Of course I know how to get to the market and how to go to office and come back but still, this place , its ways, my ways around here its still new to me.
A little thing bothered me a bit more was V and me being apart. He had plans to go out with his friends and we couldn’t talk like usual everyday and he said I could call anytime but when I did he was busy with his friend, so ya I felt a little alone and left out. Over the weekend I have a few places to go to and I’m guessing he will feel the same then. It’s something that will happen but I want us to learn to not make this an issue and more of a natural thing to deal with everyday, because as hard as it already is to be far away, it will get even more difficult if we expect unrealistic things from both of us and the situation. I hope I can convey that as calmly as I’m doing it here.
I miss him and I’m scared of this distance, but I will not let it take control over me, I will control it.
I have a college friend here, we were best friends and then our friendship fell apart and never really patched back again. I had contact with her over facebook and a few chats here and there, but obviously its not even close to the friendship we used to have. I’m was not expecting anything, but then she welcomed me warmly and invited me to a party , at which I was so home sick and missed V terribly and made my friend and her boyfriend come home early (2am) and that is the reason why probably she hasn’t been connecting with me since. Any who what happened was that since I don’t have any friends here and my roomies are not so connecting as well, I started to think that I do have a friend here, which now I realize is stupid and wrong. We have not been friends for a long time and for me to expect anything from her would be wrong and only make me feel bad, which it is now.
Somehow I expected that I have a get away place, a friend to confide in but the reality is I don’t. I miss V so much and I have no one here with me. I almost pity myself and find it pathetic.
I will not try to connect with her anymore. I will try to make friends or at least acquaintances. I know I’m bad at this, I either make heart to heart friends or none, but this time I have to learn to find a balance, not fake friendships but at least try a few social circles and find some people to hang out with. I’ve tried the office group and I didn’t like it, it was too much like Indian drunk men who cross the line without knowing and make you feel awkward.
Also, I should be ok with my roomies not being my friends. Its ok. We don’t click but we get along well enough to stay in the same house. Agreed and accepted.
I feel much better now.
Now for weekends, I promise I won’t let myself feel sorry for me again. Friends or none, party or not, roomies or not, I will make plans for myself and enjoy my weekends.
Here’s to finding my own way! a new way!